Thankfully in my short 23 years I have not had to deal with death a lot, but even with my limited experience I am amazed at all of the emotions and questions that come along with the difficult event. Is it okay to cry or do I need to be the strong one right now? If I cry does that mean that I am not strong? Would grandma want me to be this upset? Should I be happy that I had as good of a relationship with her as I did? Is it okay to be happy? I just kept running through all of these emotions in such a quick manner it was becoming hard on my heart. Sinking low with the sad thoughts and then lifting up when I thought of a beautiful memory that had her in it.
The day after my Grandma Shirley’s passing I was passing time by perusing through Jason Mraz’s twitter account (some would be ashamed to admit this, but I quit being ashamed of my obsession with Mr. A-Z months ago). Right at the top of the page was his stage quote for the day: “When in doubt, be grateful.” -Matthew Engelhart. I found an intense amount of clarity in this quotation. It is true I still slip up now and again wondering if I am doing this right, as if there is a right or a wrong way to mourn, but then after the tears have dried and the confusion has passed I remind myself..that I need to just be grateful.
I have decided that I am grateful that I had two sets of really incredible, deeply loving, and hard working grandparents. I am grateful that though their spouses have passed now that my Grandma Sinn and my Grandpa Harlin loved my Grandpa Sinn and my Grandma Shirley. They raised families together, they held grandkids together and they laughed and cried together throughout the years. I will miss my Grandma a lot. It will be hard to see my Grandpa without her in tow, and it will be hard to step into her house around the holidays knowing that I won’t get to hear her laugh…but I hope that when my emotions get the best of me I will take the time to remember…to just be grateful for all of the times that we had together.
Some pictures that I took pretty recently (thank goodness!) of my silly Grandma!