May 23, 2011

Would You Rather

Running cross country in college allowed me a lot of time around some really dirty boys. No dirty in the way of cleanliness, but dirty in the way of thinking. They were college boys and there is sometimes nothing you can do about that. Much of what I know today about sex I learned as a result of them. Please do not panic, I didn’t take anything that they said as truth, but they would tell me things and then I would do some research to see if these things were true or false. Sadly for the women in their lives most of what they spoke was complete bullshit so I took it upon myself to educate them on the ways of women. Weather or not they listened I have no idea, if they did I should have gotten more thank you cards from their one night stands and girlfriends.
The dirty boys in my life were also obsessed with a game called Would You Rather. I am sure that many people have heard of this game and probably even played it. “Would you rather have 6 toes or 6 fingers?” Then there is the at home version, “Would you rather have tacos for dinner or pot roast?” I am still pretty sure that no matter what version you have played, the version that took place among me and my guy friends will trump it by way of nastiness. “Would you rather drink of 5 gallon bucket of your own shit or eat barbequed dead baby?” “Would you rather be trapped in a room with an angry gorilla or an angry bull?” I could go on, but I’ll quit while I’m ahead, I could go on, but if I did it would make the dead baby question seem like no big deal. Sorry to you folks at home that have to read this, but this is the reality that was my life during college. Even after some of these fellas graduated from HC, I would still get random “WYR…” text messages. Of course many girls opted out of playing this game, but I am not a quitter and have always been the girl to run around with the boys and since you can’t let your friends down I had to answer…or they would yell and annoy me until I snapped out an answer, “I’D EAT MY OWN SHIT OKAY, I CAN’T EAT A DEAD BABY!” “Yeah, see Magz, was that so hard, all you have to do is answer the question” Stupid boys, but still I continued to play.
When I joined Peace Corps I didn’t know that the game would follow me here. I was so wrapped up in the nastiness of the HCXC version that I had totally forgotten that a milder version existed! The PC version. I would like to enlighten you all now on just a few options that sometimes come up when we are all sitting around chatting….

WYR a baby goat fall into your pit latrine or a crazy woman come into your hut late at night to sweep and pray?

My answer: I’d take the goat. This sounds awful, but they die and crazy women just keep coming.

WYR eat caterpillars, kapenta (dried little fish), or flying termites?

My Answer: While I am all for trying new things, my motto in this country is “If it could potentially fuck up an entire day I am not eating it!” All three of these things fall into that category for me. But if I had to…I’ve heard the termites taste like bacon.

WYR be constipated or constantly shitting?

My answer: Things are supposed to come out of your body, not just sit there. Let it flow.

WYR shit into a plastic bag or a bucket?

My Answer: Bucket. I do it almost every morning. Something about the change in food has me sprinting out of bed at 5:30 every morning and there is no way I could make it too much farther. The mind is a powerful thing, thankfully, because when there are visitors it wakes me up a bit earlier.

WYR shit your self on transport or in your own bed?

My Answer: Both sound MORTIFYING! But the rule here is do not fuck with my sleep. Based on the last answer, you all know that it has been close.

WYR have ants or termites invade your hut?

My Answer: Both have happened. Termites are nicer, they warn you a bit and they don’t bite.

WYR have no matches or no toilet paper?

My Answer: No matches. As you can tell by the questions, shitting is very common here in PC, I never leave home without a good stash of TP.

WYR drink shake shake (nasty chunky corn beer that smells like baby vomit) or officers packets (little plastic packets of liquor that offer good nights but horrible mornings)?

My Answer: I have lived the packets. Horrible mornings, but pretty fun evenings…from what I remember.

WYR live two years without running water or without electricity?

My Answer: After being here for a year now, I have learned to deal without most of the other American luxeries, but literally everyday I crave running water. I miss it so much. I miss hot showers at the turn of a dial and I miss watering things and washing dishes without having to plan for it hours in advance. Water is amazing. Kiss your faucets people. KISS THEM HARD!

In this world there is nothing more submissive and weak than water. Yet for attacking that which is hard and strong nothing can surpass it. ~Loa Tzu

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